I published ‘I Knew You Were Weary’ with Anti-Heroin Chic on 25th May 2017.
I wrote this poem in response to finding out an old friend and work colleague had died. While I never actually found out the cause of his death, I do know that in the months, maybe years leading up to his death, he was lonely. I spoke to him on social media on rare occasions but never allowed myself to get close enough to ask – are you okay, and do you need help. I guess over the years we had drifted apart as friends, and for that reason I felt that it wasn’t up to me to respond to his very obvious cries for help. Now I wish I could turn back time and not scroll by his social media posts. Now I wish I could talk to him and remind him that he is loved and that he has brought happiness to so many people in his life time. Perhaps those words might have saved him. Perhaps those words would have given him peace in his final moments.
R.I.P my friend. A fragment of your life is imprinted on mine.
I Knew You Were Weary
I knew you were weary. I saw
Bold, Black words repeated. Graphited
On a hundred walls. I scrolled
Past your weeping lines, ignoring
The beats. Broken sighs, dripping
Dripping morbidly into saturated
Sentences. I knew you were trapped;
Bouncing madness inside your own
Head. Half alive, half way dead – Hanging
Tap, tap. I knew it, yet I paused
I paused. Liking your profile shot,
A ricocheting lie – a knot. My conscientious mind
Wrought, wrung, tangled in a world-wide web;
I searched and found a better you, impressed,
Pressed on the back of my eyelids.
I never heard you scream your final scream.